The choices we make define who we are, who we become, but they also define moments. A moment happens only because you make the choice for it to occur. What happens when you do the right thing, but it is not the choice you wanted to make? Pure Madness. It is that instant when you realize that you will contemplate that decision the rest of the night, and it might eat at your sleep while it is at it.
Julian and I have been playing a game of chess, one that he is winning. We never finish the game so we leave it sitting there until the next day. As I think back to the game every night, however, I realize he is winning because I am letting him. Every day, I come back and play along until he sets up the winning piece. He doesn’t know my next play, so he tries for the finishing move. CHECKMATE. I’ve won, he didn’t see it coming.
He should’ve won, but I beat him. In my heart I let him win, in my brain I made him lose. So I kick myself all the way to the OB (officers’ bar) for making him feel bad about the game. I tell him that if he is willing to try again, we can give the game another try. Whether or not he accepts my request for a rematch, We will find out soon. For now, I’ll replay the game in my head and wonder over and over again why I didn’t let him win.
Julian might wonder all night why he didn’t see it coming and I will be the reason. The choices we make aren’t always the perfect ones, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t the right ones. Just make sure that when you choose right over left you understand why.
Chess like life requires decisions and defining moments.
At least Julian can rest assured, that I can explain why the game went wrong.