And the Tides Change

Ships sometimes although wonderful are like high school. If you hangout with somebody more than once everybody knows, if you invite someone to go to dinner, you are official, but most of all according to everyone you have more boyfriends than you ever thought possible in the span of two months.

Recently, Julian was on-board and we spent a lot of time together and had beautiful adventures and while we still talk and very much miss each others presence, we knew that once off the ship everything would be up in the air. In comes Nicholas, a friend on the ship who I share some of my geekiest and mundane moments with, someone who I can trust with my thoughts and know that I won’t be judged but as of yesterday I heard from someone else that we are dating. Nicholas and I laughed it off and started guessing at what rumors about me would pop up next.

It is a complicated environment to move in, this thing called ship life, because every touch, every glance, every room you walk into is closely monitored, by eyes you didn’t even think cared to look. Two nights ago, I went out in Stockholm, Sweden and had one of the best nights ever with a group of friends, but by the time I came back to the ship, people were debating whether Danny was dating me or Leah. Nobody was there, there were only six of us, but everyone thinks they know exactly what happened while we were out.

The thing is trying to get rid of the rumors is useless, because then you look “guilty” of something you know you haven’t done. We are all human, enclosed in this small space, bound to give a glance to someone at least 3 times a day and who that glance is towards is my business only. Once, in college, I found myself the center of an equally absurd rumor circle even though I barely left my room, and that time being guilty of nothing, I ran away.

As of this morning, I’ve dated Julian, have started dating Nicholas, and have developed a crush on Danny in the span of weeks. So I know that when I go to Tamarind tonight with Nicholas and when Danny and I watch a movie, or I cry at Nicholas’ coming departure in Copenhagen, things will just keep spinning. The rumors will come and go. My mom once said “people who have time to make up things about your life, clearly don’t have enough enjoyment in theirs” Since then I have taken her lesson to heart. So they can talk, because this time I am not running away, I guess the tides have changed.

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