Each port I visit, I hope that I have some friends to get off with, to explore, make memories and to just not be alone. This specific contract, however, I have learned the beauty of walking alone. Walking with people is great but when you walk alone something even greater happens. At every stop, at every step, you ask yourself, Am I standing where I hoped I would be?
At this very moment, I am standing at quite a happy place. For those of you who have followed my journey, Julian has become an even bigger box of letters, a phone full of pictures, and a scrapbook full of memories and plane tickets. Traveling to Belgium to meet his family, has been one of the most beautiful moments of my life. As for my mother, she is healthy and doing well at home, but I still miss her. I know I am a “grown up” but my happy place wouldn’t exist without her.
Now, in the next few weeks, I will take a last chance on a dream that didn’t quite turn out years ago, or a new step towards a far away dream that I have been planning since last year. I know some of you wonder why not forget about that dream that failed many years ago? The truth is: I don’t like What if’s. I want to know that I gave it my all before I moved on, just like I do with everything else in my life. As for the dreams, I will share them with you sometime soon. Don’t want to jinx it!
As for ship life, I may be heading out on an adventure to Australia in the next few weeks or I may not. I may be going back to school or I may not. Behind all the beautiful Instagram pictures, and the amazing photos from around the world that are indeed my day to day life, there is one truth. My life is pretty uncertain, however, I wouldn’t want it any other way. In the past, when I planned my life down to the smallest detail and it came apart, the world also became uncertain. At least now my uncertainty brings choices, opportunities, and new horizons.
True my boyfriend lives miles away,
and I can’t plan my life more than three months in advance,
plus, I miss my mom with all my heart,
but knowing that my future is mine and in my hands makes it all worth it.
So when I walk alone through these new places, I had no idea I would ever know, I tell myself: I am right where I hoped I would be.