We walked to his room with sparks between us that could probably be seen from miles away, but I felt the pressure of what might await at saying goodbye. I was away in my own mind when we made it to his door. He took my hands in his and pulled me close. As I snapped out of my head, I could feel his breathing next to my cheek, his face moving to meet mine, our hearts pounding as we locked eyes with each other, an irresistible urge to give in. I said sorry and ran away.
Living in a world saturated by media, I’ve tried to compare the events in my life to the movies that I have seen. Moving images that showed me how to love, how to struggle, and what success should look like, but movies don’t prepare you for this. To feel like this, to want like this, and not be able to express it in any way except in my case running away. I’d seen many scenarios, but this wasn’t one of them because movies are just one side of many stories.
So, I walked into a dim lit bar and ordered a glass of the sweetest wine. I don’t drink but the thought that I had done something I couldn’t take back needed something more than cold water and I wrote a letter. I’m better on paper so I honestly told him the reason why and noted that I couldn’t make him any promises, but if he still wanted me around, I would stay.
Many who have been reading my stories comment that they sound like scenes from a movie, but I want to tell you that it sounds just like real life. Movies are imaginary, but what you feel is real, your story is different from those on the screen because it is happening to you. The outcomes may vary from what is advertised, but it will be your outcome. What you do with that matters. Their solutions might not be yours and that is okay because being just like the movies is boring anyway.