We walked to his room with sparks between us that could probably be seen from miles away, but I felt the pressure of what might await at saying goodbye. I was away in my own mind when we made it to his door. He took my hands in his and pulled me close. As I snapped out of my head, I could feel his breathing next to my cheek, his face moving to meet mine, our hearts pounding as we locked eyes with each other, an irresistible urge to give in. I said sorry and ran away.
Each port I visit, I hope that I have some friends to get off with, to explore, make memories and to just not be alone. This specific contract, however, I have learned the beauty of walking alone. Walking with people is great but when you walk alone something even greater happens. At every stop, at every step, you ask yourself, Am I standing where I hoped I would be?
This song plays in the background as I am writing, only human, and I think that sometimes on-board ships you are expected to have this perfect image. This image has to hold in front of guests, co-workers, and sometimes even those you consider close. The thing is that I have realized that I have also come to expect that perfect image of myself, but I am nowhere near perfect.
Ships sometimes although wonderful are like high school. If you hangout with somebody more than once everybody knows, if you invite someone to go to dinner, you are official, but most of all according to everyone you have more boyfriends than you ever thought possible in the span of two months.
Fairy tales have been a part of my life as long as I can remember, but I only ever felt a connection to Belle because she liked to read books like me. Yesterday, I found myself in France, not particularly in the city where her story takes place, but one in which mine was coming to an end, Cherbourg. On ships, the routine is the law of the land, but once in a blue moon you find a person who is willing to walk away from it to share time with you. Julian left the ship this morning in between tears and goodbyes clutching a letter that I wrote in his hand, just hours before, however, he was smiling and holding my hand on the way to a surprise picnic he had planned for us in France.
What am I supposed to do when I know ahead of time that my balance is going to be thrown off kilter? Well, On board a ship there is only one answer, try to maintain as much balance as you can so you don't go overboard, so to speak.
“Love you to the moon and back” is what is inscribed in the necklace that reminds me that I have someone who waits for me back home. I am no stranger to traveling or being away from home for months at a time yet there are times while it seems that I am having the time of my life that I would like some time with my mom.